What Lies Beneath the Surface: NYC Riches
by DerekShepherd
Summary: Power. Sucess. Riches. NYC Doctors Derek Shepherd and Addison Montgomery- Shepherd have it all. What happens when one night the lines are blurred, and relationships end. Desire. Attraction. Lust. When does commitment become a cage? Mer/Der
1. Introduction

It was a perfect day, a day for new beginnings. Around the beveled glass windows lay a carpet of snow. The Montgomery- Shepherd Mansion lay just outside one of the most coveted and expensive gated communities known to New York City. The driveway was long and winding, professionally cleaned and paved with only the finest materials. The luxurious eight car garage housed Derek's Lamborghini, Porsche, BMW, and Mercedes Benz. His wife, Addison possessed a matching Mercedes, and a newly acquired bright red Buick. The Shepherd's also owned a magnificent house in Paris France, and a recently acquired Rhode Island home. Walking into the house, the staircases long and magnificent, gave way to cathedral ceilings. Picturesque views from the glass windows, and a deluxe private bar. The bedrooms were all masters accept for the servant's quarters in the back of the mansion.

After all, Addison couldn't bear to feast her eyes on that disgusting excuse for a house; it was merely a room to her. Marble and pure gold finishing in all the bathrooms; tubs as large as swimming pools, private pools, Jacuzzis, and saunas only added to the expansive quarters. Derek and Addison had earned it all, putting in the hours at Beth Israel, one of the most successful hospitals in the country. Yet- beneath the marble; glass, gold, and gates lay a secret. Derek refused to mention it, let along discuss it. Addison had sworn to secrecy, never approaching the subject. Live continued on, uninterrupted, unchanged. The day remained still, the new beginnings swept away out of sight…

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters. **

_**A/N: Short introduction, but the fun's only begun! Please read and review- Mer**_


	2. Memories offer little hope in reality

"Addison!" Derek Shepherd bellowed beneath the stairs. Derek paced back and forth like a caged animal. "ADDISON!!!" Derek yelled, he was tried of waiting. If she insisted on driving with him to work, than she better be damn ready. Derek buttoned his Armani double breasted black suit.

_Damn it Addison, you're making me late…_

Derek looked up to hear the familiar stiletto heels echoing off the wood floors. Addison fixed him with a steely glare, flicking her titian hair over her shoulder. Addison's perfume hit Derek with a wave of nausea.

"Honestly Addison don't you nauseate your patients with that stuff?" Addison glared at him yanking her Prada coat from the maid. "Shut up Derek, I could say the same for you. That hair mousse is ridiculous on you. Seriously, get a haircut". Derek turned to her, agitation flashing across his perfect face. His hair was perfect as usual, and Addison knew it.

"Why do you do this Addison?" Derek yelled grabbing his briefcase rather violently from the butler. "Do what Derek?!? You're always insulting me!" Addison gestured violently. The servants looked tactfully away, this display was usual in the Shepherd household. "Well maybe if you'd SHUT up we'd be fine!" "Oh why don't you just SHUT THE HELL UP?" Addison's cell phone vibrated reminding her of the hospital. Derek ran a hand through his hair as he followed Addison out into the garage.

Richard Webber waited for his esteemed attendings to hit the parking lot before he attacked them. "When is it acceptable to IGNORE your PATIENTS?!" Derek glanced at Addison; if looks could kill they'd be dead by now. "Well?" Addison looked at Richard and loudly sighed, forcing a smile. Derek plastered a similar smile on his face. "Bad traffic." The two strode off in opposite directions, leaving the Chief alone in the parking lot.

Derek listened to interns showboat for hours and brag about their schooling. Hell, one even approached him for a date! Derek held up his hand, flashing his wedding ring. The blond covered her mouth an uttered an apologetic giggle.

_Fucking interns, they never cease to amaze me. How did that one graduate? Goddamn it, standards must be slipping. _

Derek watched as he walked down the halls, respect and admiration evident on each of the resident's faces. They all wanted to be him, accept him. He had earned their respect; practiced medicine so amazing in their OR's that it could only be deemed as a miracle. Yet, here he walked without a care in the world if he lived or died. There was one who could help him, but his pride wouldn't let him go there. No one dared screw Derek Shepherd; he didn't allow it- his ego didn't allow it. He was respected, admired, envied. But he held nothing in his hands, only an illusion of happiness.

Addison listened to patients moan and groan all day, troublesome interns screwing up operations and mixing up charts. Her day was screwed from the moment it began, and it wasn't getting any better.

_This sucks. I used to love babies, now I hate them. Their cutesy faces and their happy mothers. God! What is Derek doing to me? I used to be such an optimist, now I'm getting like him. Damn, maybe I should switch from OB to Neurology. _

Addison hit her head against the counter: feeling exhausted and in need of some major orgasmic bliss- she didn't even get that any more! She got some half-ass excuse for sex, but nothing special. Life had ceased its excitement for her, she lived her life in perpetual limbo. In short? It seriously sucked. Derek pretended to care, and half-heartedly listened to her moaning. They had participated in couples counseling before, but they didn't have the time or energy to listen. They had long before decided that pets were impractical and children were an absolute no. Addison possessed a killer body, and she didn't want to lose that too. Derek was already a lost cause, he spent his days giving orders in the OR and studying latest techniques in neurological surgery. How had they ended up this way?

_I can't believe-_

Addison shook her head; she refused to even think about it. The thoughts made her saddened by what could have been hers. A different life; different job, husband, and life. Would things have been better? Addison shoved the charts in the intern's hand; she couldn't wait for the day to be over.

Derek rushed into the mansion, ignoring Addison's attempts to juggle her purse and coat. "DEREK!" Derek waved her off, the servants could help her. After all, weren't they here for a reason? Addison opened the door after Derek had closed it, throwing her coat down on the wood floor. Derek immediately retreated to his office. Addison kicked her stilettos off angrily; the damn things would be the death of her! Addison heard the familiar music start, Derek blocked out the sound of her even.

_What are we doing? Why am I pretending? _

Addison slumped in the chair, aware of the answers. Obligation, she wore the dress and uttered 'I do'.

_Is this just a contract?_

Addison kicked her feet up, relishing in the overstuffed black leather couch. Derek and her and specially furnished this room before they had discovered interior decorators. They had taken the time off to place everything, select the perfect matching curtains and coordinating carpet. Addison smiled at the thought, remembering…

"_Derek!" Addison had called squeezing her hands into the plush white carpet. Derek had strolled over in his black suit, looking so divine. "Do you like it baby? Say yes and it's yours!" "Do you mean it?" Derek grinned, flashing gleaming white teeth. "For you, I'd buy anything." Addison dropped the carpet, glancing into his azure eyes. This was their moment to appreciate all they had earned. "You know what I want?" Addison whispered into his ear, her breath tickling his neck. "You." Derek pulled her back took one look into her eyes and uttered, "You already have that." Addison kissed him passionately, her hands intertwining in his jet black hair. "I love you Addi". "I love you too Derek". Derek winked mischievously at her and pulled her into the nearby bathroom. Addison locked the door expertly, watching Derek shed his suit. Addison loosened his bright blue tie, running her hands down the smooth muscled planes of his chest. Derek bit her gently on the neck, alternating between sucking and kissing. Addison moaned as she fiddled with his belt buckle. With one hand Derek pulled her skirt down, caressing her moist folds. "Derek". She moaned, stroking the length of him. Derek felt himself desiring her, needing her urgently. "Addi", he moaned. Addison kneeled down, sucking him. Derek thrashed with the overwhelming feeling of intense pleasure. Addison let him go before guiding his cock to her waiting pussy. Derek pounded into her harder and harder, leaving Addison begging for release. Addison and Derek screamed as they came, his hot cum shooting into her warmth. Quickly they recovered, hastily dressing. Addison tied Derek's tie and kissed him passionately before unlocking the door. "Now about that carpet"…_

Addison woke from her daydream to feel wetness between her legs, _Damn it!_

It was only a memory, and it was over. Addison looked up at the closed office door where a man who was a shell of her former lover sat…

**A/n: Tell me what you think! Any suggestions or support would be appreciated. **


	3. The Tour

The night had passed, and for that Addison and Derek were appreciative. That was until Derek discovered the clock hadn't sounded, and the curtains were still shut. "What the hell", Derek muttered groggily under his breath. Next to him, he heard Addison curse and roll over on the massive king sized bed. Once the bed had been large for a reason, but now it served as a co habitual space to avoid fighting.

_Where are my servants?_ Derek thought, still feeling around for his clock. He touched it, and its overwhelming sound echoed off the walls. Addison screamed into her pillow, Derek ignoring her. Slowly he made his way across the room, opening the double doors. He peered out and listened to utter silence. No vacuuming, no cleaning. Derek hurriedly looked at the window. No one had placed his selected car in the driveway!

"What's going on?" Derek rushed downstairs to find Addison's coat STILL on the floor, and the furniture misplaced. Well, maybe not misplaced- but not in the correct spot. Derek peered down at the white carpet- it hadn't been washed. Horror set in as Derek imagined several murder sequences of his servants. Hell, he hadn't even known their names! Derek searched for a weapon, and grabbed the lamppost. Triumphantly, he walked into the master kitchen. A single piece of parchment fluttered unto the tile floor.

Derek grabbed it, and placed it unto the counter. Derek dropped the lamppost as he discovered it wasn't a ransom note. It was a resignation letter. His servants had left, they had left. Derek felt unusually saddened, and sat down. It was just him and Addison, and this huge mansion they called a home. Then frustration hit as he read:

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd,_

_Christina and I are regretful to inform you we have decided to quit your service. We are both apologetic that we are leaving on such short notice, but we feel it is in our best professional and personal towards you that we end this employment. Now, I must say what I have been practically dying to say since three years ago. Are you ready? Get a D-I-V-O-R-I-C-E! Clear enough Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd? You two have been fighting and yelling at each other for three years! Three painful years when Christina and I tactfully turn away even though my heart is telling me to tell you two to shut the hell up! I really hope you accept our sincerest apologies at this short notice, but for us it was not soon enough! _

_Sincerely,_

_Preston and Christina Burke_

_Butler and Maid_

Derek felt anger brewing in him. How dare they refer to his marriage like that?!? When did a servant get a say in marriage counseling?!? Derek looked at the signature; they were married, maybe even happily married. Derek leaned his head against the marble countertop, raking his hands through his tousled hair. There was only one solution to his dilemma, they simply needed a replacement.

_Where do I find one? I need one now!_

Derek chuckled, maybe he was spoiled, maybe he was rich- but he certainly was not stupid! The simple tasks he could handle, like getting his cars out of the garage. And the house could go a day without cleaning. Derek grabbed his cell phone, the messages flashing their warnings. He silently erased them, what Addison didn't know couldn't hurt her.

Addison got up facing the window. She stood before it in her favorite red lingerie. There had been a day when Derek would have ripped it off her, but now he just slept- or left. Addison softly opened the doors and entered the hallway. "Derek?" Addison peered down the balcony, maybe now he was ignoring hearing her. It wouldn't surprise her that much if he had. "Derek?" The only sound she heard was the nervous drumming fingers against the counter, he was downstairs. Addison gently tread downstairs catching a glimpse of a disheveled Derek. "The alarm didn't go off", Addison pointed out. Derek held up a hand, he was on the phone.

Addison stepped forward, glancing at the note. "What the"- "Addison please I'm on the phone!" Addison read the note, her mouth falling open in shock. "They can't- we"- Derek placed a hand over her protesting mouth and sat down. "Thank you." Derek flipped his phone off and turned to Addison. "That better have been our lawyer, Derek!" Derek waved her off impatiently. "Addison that was the company, they'll send a new maid out and apparently Preston and Christina have quit the company". Addison gaped up at him. "Who in the hell are Preston and Christina and WHY aren't we pressing charges?"

Derek rolled his eyes, listening to her ranting fill the hall. "Seriously Derek we could lose our jobs as surgeons if Richard finds out we weren't at work on time!" Derek looked out the window, any moment she'd run out of breath and stop. Thankfully, Addison's face turned red and she shut up. "We're off today, remember? And besides, maybe there right! Now I called and the company is sending out a maid". "So everything will be"- "Fine", Derek finished.

Addison breathed a sigh of relief, what a hassle! "We are spoiled", Derek pointed out. "SPOILED?!? We worked for all this Derek! We deserved these privileges! You and I grew up poor, and we worked are asses off getting through medical school! There's nothing spoiled about it!" Addison flopped back down, running a hand through her hair.

"We used to have fun Derek, remember?" Addison stood up and turned around for him to admire her lingerie. Derek lazily looked at her, wishing Richard would call. "You know last night I was remembering how I thanked you for the carpet. Remember that Derek?" Derek looked at her and shook his head.

"Oh how you used to fuck me! Why can't we do that now Derek? Can't you try?" Derek stood up, his back facing her. "I can't believe you said that, Addison. After"- Derek shook his head. "After Mark!" Anger flashed in Derek's steel blue eyes. "Remember THAT?!?" Addison looked down, this was so typical Derek. "I remember it quite clearly!" Derek ran up the stairs, leaving Addison alone- again. "Go ahead Derek, walk away! Its what you do best!" The only answer was the hollow buzz of his cell phone vibrating.

Derek finished buttoning his suit jacket, applying the diamond cufflinks. Today was Versace, his favorite. Derek heard the doorbell boom across the walls. Satisfied with his immaculate appearance, Derek strolled down the stairs. Derek opened the double glass doors and peered out. "Hey!" Derek took in the bearer of the cute raspy voice. She wobbled a bit on her heels, and couldn't be more than 26. "Come in", Derek invited. "Do you usually open the doors for strangers? No wonder the Shepherds are replacing you." "The Shepherds?" The girl smiled, damn he was cute! Yet- he was also very dumb not to know his employers. Derek stepped out unto the porch. "I am Derek Shepherd". The girl gasped, her perfect mouth forming a little o of surprise, then delight.

"I'm sorry. I should have known, the Versace, the looks". Derek smiled, she was rambling. "I'm Meredith, Meredith Grey". "Nice to meet you Miss Grey", Derek took her delicate alabaster hand and kissed it gently. Meredith giggled, and glanced up into his deep blue eyes, taken aback by the hurt in them. This handsome rich man had scars, scars lining his past and present. "You're staring", Derek pointed out. Meredith giggled again; it was an enchanting sound, musical and warm.

Derek glanced up at his mansion, gesturing to it all. "And this is my home. Welcome". Meredith's mouth dropped as she took in the diamond chandelier hanging from the cathedral ceiling. Large windows encompassed the mansion's perimeter, and the sky was visible when she looked up. "It's beautiful Dr. Shepherd." Derek flashed her a charming smile. "It's definitely something. Come, I'll show you around." Meredith willingly followed, taken aback by this stunning man's charm.

As Derek showed her all the wonders of the house, he heard her gasp in awe. For some reason, Derek felt like he was just discovering the place himself. Seeing the unadulterated bliss on this beautiful girl's face made him melt. Derek felt like himself, a feeling he hadn't felt for awhile. Suddenly, nothing was too unreachable or too unattainable. He was appreciating what he had earned.

"What's this?" Meredith pointed to a closed bedroom door with a lock on it. Derek's expression changed and his eyes flashed, Meredith felt afraid of him then. "You're not to ever go in there!" Meredith looked at the door one last time, imprinting it into her memory as she trotted after Dr. Shepherd. The haunting echo of his black shoes filled the hallway…

**A/n: It's Meredith! I know Derek was a little spoiled in this chap, but hey! A little Preston and Christina thing thrown in too! A little mystery for Meredith to poke her nose into, too! Please review, I love reading reviews.**


	4. Haunting Dreams Bright and Shiny

**A/n: Thank you for all the story alerts and subscriptions! I really love reading reviews, support is greatly appreciated. I love all my readers! Warning: abusive situations. **

Meredith fought sleep as she sunk into the plush bed, staring at the ceiling rehashing the day's events. She'd toured the mansion with Derek and met his beautiful wife, Addison Forbes Montgomery- Shepherd. She wouldn't lie, she was stunning. Her long red hair, her golden skin, she glowed with wealth. Meredith turned over on her side, watching the sun set. Growing up she'd been poor, her mother had abandoned her when she was only eight. Meredith had survived scrubbing floors, and dreaming of a better life. She'd been moved from foster home to foster home, the parents usually desiring a happier child. Meredith never was that child, so she was sent back to the orphanage.

Meredith watched the CEO's on Wall Street, dreaming of what it'd be like to live a life of riches. It must be easy to never worry about where you'd sleep or who'd love you at night. She discovered house cleaning when she was 16. She befriended Christina, the manager and worked with her in the most luxurious mansions. When no one was looking, she'd pretend for a second that she owned it. She'd throw up her arms and twirl, laughing until she came crashing back into reality. Reality always struck. So Meredith lived a life of disappointment, realism clouding all her happiness. Nothing ever lasted forever, dreams ended. In some ways Meredith was an adult before she turned 17.

Meredith felt her eyes slowly close as she sank into the downy pillow, she couldn't remember the last time she'd slept in a house. As sleep overtook her, her memory played the slideshow of her youth…

"_Meredith! Meredith!" Meredith heard the voice and hid. It was her father, Thatcher. Meredith felt the goose bumps form on her upper arms and bare legs, shivering from the speaker and the cold. She heard the silent crunch of snow as Thatcher's footsteps grew closer. Meredith tightly shut her eyes and prayed. She thought about the lights in Rockefeller Center, the tree aglow with tiny lights. How they sparkled! "MEREDITH!" Meredith felt the ice cold tear trickle down from her eyes. Thatcher heard her sniffling and peered down to find her hunched over in the snow. "Why there you are", Thatcher slurred grabbing hold of her arm tightly. Meredith began trembling, her tears flowing freely now. "Hiding from me?" "No Daddy", Meredith reassured. Thatcher slapped her with the back of his hand across her face. Meredith turned away, fighting his hold over her. "Please- Daddy- don't"- Thatcher laughed, a horrible cruel sound mingling with the wind. "I'll tell you what I'll do!" Thatcher leaned in, the whiff of beer and vodka mingling on his breath. Meredith gagged, dreaming of those lights on the tree. "You whore! You lying bitch!" Thatcher repeatedly hit her ass. Meredith struggled to get away, feeling the sting. "Daddy you're drunk. Please!" Thatcher swung again, Meredith ducking just as he fell in the snow. Thatcher got up, and grabbed a leather belt. Meredith looked frantically around, an old cutting saw lying in the snow. Meredith grabbed it and swung as hard as she could, the blade hitting Thatcher directly in the throat. Meredith watched as he staggered and fell over, the only sign of his death the red snow. The lights, Meredith thought. Those beautiful lights, sparkling off the tree. Meredith watched the snow turn red, and turned. She faced the street and ran with all her might. She didn't know where she was going, but anywhere was better than there…_

Meredith felt strong hands on her, shaking her. Meredith screamed harder, remembering Thatcher's hands holding her. "Miss Grey! Meredith!" Meredith opened her arms, and met the bright azure eyes flickering with concern. His jet black hair gently waved, and he was dressed in a different suit. "D-D-Dr. Shepherd", Meredith mumbled waking from her nightmarish memories. "I heard you screaming", Derek said sitting on the edge of her bed. "Are you okay?" Meredith looked into his eyes and shook her head. "You're not? What happened?" "No, I'm fine. I just had a scare". Derek nodded his understanding. "Sometimes this place creeps me out". Meredith looked at him in shock. Was that regret on his face?

"No, your house is gorgeous", Meredith assured him. Derek laughed, a smile flashing across his perfect face. "You're too nice". "I'm serious". Derek met her eyes, "So am I". Derek gently placed a hand on her shoulder, Meredith immediately stiffening. Derek looked at her puzzledly, and withdrew his hand from her. Meredith looked away, ashamed. "Its okay", Derek reassured her.

_No, its not. You're a man, just a man who wants one thing from women. Is this why he hired me?_

"You don't look to good", Derek insisted. "I'm fine", Meredith replied. Derek smiled sadly, "Yeah- we're all fine". Meredith watched him get up, smile, and leave. Meredith hit her head against the pillow, he wasn't Thatcher…

Meredith watched awkwardly as Addison made her way downstairs, her long lean legs gracefully touching the wood floors, the clacking of her stiletto's echoing off the wood. Addison smiled at Derek, and frowned at Meredith's company. Meredith immediately regretting taking up Derek on his offer to eat with them.

"Why is she here?" Addison demanded, peering at Meredith through narrowed eyes. "We're not paying her for her company or to eat our food, Derek". Derek sighed, stretching his legs out on the footrest. "I thought we could get to know her, Addison". Addison sniffed, turning her back on Meredith. "Did you wash the windows? Vacuum the floors? Sweep and mop?" Meredith nodded, "I was up early Dr. Shepherd". Addison vaguely nodded.

"What was all that screaming last night, Derek?" Meredith felt herself look intently at the tile floor. "Maybe a cat", Derek offered. Addison looked suspiciously at her husband. "Why are you so cheery today? What's going on?" Derek laughed, rolling his eyes at his paranoid wife. "Do I have to have a reason?"

"Yes. Yes you do, Derek", Addison insisted planting her feet in front of him. Derek smirked, as Addison planted her hands on her hips. "Spit it out". Derek glanced at Meredith, who quickly excused herself. Addison acknowledged her presence, and turned back to Derek. "Smiling? When was the last time you smiled, Derek?" Derek shook his head. "Addison, I just feel bright, shiny, and new today". Addison nodded, raising an arched brow. "Hmmmm. Bright shiny and new you say? And how does this happen?" "I guess you have to want it", Derek mused. Addison nodded, feeling Derek's eyes shift and watch Meredith scrub the floors. "We'll need another one", Addison said. Derek nodded, she couldn't possibly do it all herself…

Meredith watched as Derek pulled the black Lamborghini out of the garage, Addison trotting after him on her four inch stilettos. Meredith weakly smiled as Derek beeped the horn, and sped off to the hospital. Alone, Meredith walked upstairs into their bedroom. She ripped the sheets of the massive king sized bed, and threw them in the washer. Meredith took a look out at the balcony resting outside their bedroom window. It was beautiful, the sights, the sounds, everything. This had been her fantasy, now she was working for the most coveted people in NYC. Meredith looked around; the Shepherd's wouldn't be back until eight, so she jumped unto the bed. It was heaven! Meredith kicked her legs up and down while she imagined what life would be like if she were Addison. Meredith smiled, and hugged the pillow on Derek's side. Gently lulled by the wind, she drifted off into a dreamless sleep…

**A/n: Please review!**


	5. Asleep Glares

Derek pulled his black Lamborghini into the winding stone driveway. Looking at the clock above the dashboard, he sighed. Addison, immune to Derek's tiredness went on talking to herself about some intern named Alex Karev. 11:00, it was early for them. Usually a late surgery kept them in the hospital until 1:00 in the morning. Derek didn't mind, but for some reason he felt an aching desire to get home. Addison opened the car door before he turned the engine off, turning around angrily. "Where the hell is she, Derek ?!?"

Addison swung the front door open, angry at the incompetence of their new maid. "Seriously Derek: why isn't she here opening the door and parking your car? We're certainly paying her enough!" Derek shut the door and tried to shut Addison's ranting out, he already had a headache from work.

"Maybe we should send her back", Addison mused. Derek's eyes snapped open in shock, he couldn't do that! "Addi maybe she just needs some time", Derek reassured his pacing wife. "Well where the hell is she? Wait- did you just call me Addi?"

Addison rushed over to Derek, placing a hand on his strong chest. Derek mentally applauded himself, it had worked! "Yes, and I think she needs time. Let's give her a week and she how she does". Addison peered out the heavy glass doors, rain pouring down. "There goes the snow", Addison remarked dryly. Derek kissed her on the cheek and ran upstairs.

Derek had just finished taking off his watch when he heard a noise, a very loud noise. Curious, he looked around the room. Neither Addison nor he ever snored, and Addison was already downstairs. Derek fought a laugh as he took in Meredith sprawled across the bed, clutching a pillow firmly and snoring like a trucker. Derek silently crept to his bed and watched her peaceful face. Her face looked so delicate, and a half-smile formed as he brushed her tendrils of hair away from her eyes. Derek grinned, she looked so gentle unlike the little spitfire she was. Meredith shifted and let out a little moan.

"DEREK!" Derek cursed under his breath, Addison. Derek shuddered as he contemplated what Addison would have done if she'd found Meredith. Probably fired her, or screamed. Meredith stretched her back like a cat, and opened one jade eye. Meredith sleepily blinked, was that- "AHHHHHHHGGGHHH!" Meredith screamed at the top of her lungs as she hurled herself unto the man near her. Derek laughed as she fell on top of him. Suddenly, Derek heard the distinct sound of clacking in the hallway. Hurriedly, Derek shoved Meredith under the bed.

"Derek? What happened?" Addison looked around, taking in a guilty Derek. "Nothing uh- Addi. Just- fell. I fell", Derek offered sheepishly. "I still can't find that goddamn maid", Addison protested. Derek shrugged, Addison turning away briskly. Derek crouched down and peered under the bed. "What happened?" Meredith burst out laughing, Derek soon joining her…

Addison was in the shower, so Derek approached Meredith. "I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd about the falling asleep thing, it won't happen again!" Derek smiled; she was cute when she rambled. "Anyone who hides from my wife with me gets to call me Derek", Derek offered. Meredith furiously blushed, busying herself with the windows. "I couldn't do that", Meredith protested. "I insist." Derek watched her stretch higher, revealing a soft taunt stomach. Her little ass shook as she wiped the windows clean, Derek noticing her porcelain skin for the second time. Right then, Derek wondered what she'd feel like if he ran his hands down her. Meredith looked over her shoulder at Derek. "Are you okay?"

Derek forced a smile and sat down on his leather sofa. "Tough day at work?" Meredith probed. "When did a maid turn into a psychotherapist?" Derek teased, to Meredith's intense embarrassment. "It happens".

_God her laugh's contagious! Such a carefree, musical sound…_

"I love surgery, but the interns"- Derek shook his head picturing the blond.

"_Dr. Shepherd!" Derek turned, it was the intern. The blond, peppy intern with the wide eyes and he's got a trust fund written all over her eyes. "Yes, Dr. Stevens?" "I'll never get tired of hearing that, Dr. Shepherd- can I call you Derek?" "You chased me down to ask me if you could call me Derek." Dr. Stevens nodded excitedly, "You and I could be great friends! Dinner at eight? I'm off." Derek thinly smiled. "Unless you have an intense case of amnesia or a aneurysm, I won't be meeting you ANYWHERE at eight- tonight or ever. I'm married, Dr. Stevens. To some that means nothing, but to me it sadly does." Dr. Stevens's mouth hung open as Derek strode away. She looks like a gaping fish gasping for air, he thought…_

"Derek?" Derek snapped back to reality. "Not horrible, just not good. I know the interns are learning, but I'm married!" "Whoa- you better start off at the beginning." Derek smiled, explaining about the incredible dippy Dr. Stevens, to the annoyingly incompetent Dr. Karev. Meredith shook her head with sympathy as she laughed. "You think I'm ridiculous", Derek accused watching her hold back a giggle. "Spoiled, bratty, yes-Ridiculous? Not so much." Derek took a sip from his glass, feeling the welcome burn of the bourbon.

"I always dreamed of being a surgeon. It must be such a rush to save someone's life, to give them another chance at life. I'd love to have that opportunity". Derek nodded, surprised. "I never had the money to attend college, I was all alone". Meredith paused, looking back into those vivid azure eyes. "I wish every night I could've achieved what you have." Derek looking out, gripping the glass tighter. Meredith noticed the tension, and stopped talking. "It's always the same for people like you", Derek snapped. "You think money fixes everything. All the problems just disappear with some extra cash. It doesn't! The problems remain; your life turns out to be the same roller coaster you tried to avoid. Money doesn't change anything". Meredith glared at Derek. "You're spoiled! You're used to it- yes it does change a lot! If I had been wealthy like you I wouldn't be here washing windows for some spoiled bratty man sitting on an 18,000 dollar couch wearing a 50,000 dollar suit!" Meredith stormed out, grabbing her cleaning supplies. Derek sat emotionless, resting his head in his hands.

_I'm so stupid for actually thinking I could be-friend my maid. I'm the head of the goddamn neurosurgery department in the fucking hospital! She has no right talking to me like that- I'm her boss! Addison's right, she's a lazy ass pathetic excuse for a maid. Tomorrow I'm firing her. Let her whine about money then! Damn bitch, falling asleep on my bed while I'm paying her. She's the lazy spoiled brat! _

Derek stormed upstairs, meeting Meredith's icy glare with a steely one of his own.


	6. I'm not that guy

_The walls were higher than she expected- tall high walls. They were the walls that kept others out and protected the occupants inside. How she longed to scale those ways to save- no, thoughts like that were tucked away and hidden. Thoughts of romantic passage; fairytale romances, and happily ever afters never existed. Every day she ran out to those walls and called to the man who had hurt her deeply. Calling, calling, and calling for his redemption. For the moment was hers; and she knew no one else but him. Life was lonely without him beside her, how she used to laugh! So with devotion she crept out before he awoke and called to him: loud, louder, and louder still. The only answer was the haunting silence of regret. When called, she stood still and testified his innocence- waiting, waiting, and waiting until the verdict was given. The verdict came swift and strong, he was guilty. She watched as they took him away, pleading, begging for the man who had almost murdered her, almost ended her existence. No one approached her or held her when she cried for him. His life was over, and hers had yet to begin…_

Meredith awoke staring at the familiar ceiling, remembering the trial. Silent tears ran down her face. Meredith shook her head, it was merely a dream. Yet- she couldn't bear those things she'd said to him. The sadness in his eyes had been unmistakable. He had tried to cover the hurt with anger and bitter hatred, but Meredith knew that look. That look was the one of intense disappointment. Meredith closed her eyes tightly, praying she would never inflict the pain she'd once received…

_Whoever said revenge was the best medicine was sorely mistaken…_

Derek watched his wife run around trying to locate her Gucci heels. "Addison, why don't you wear something else? You can't wear them into surgery anyway!" "They were here somewhere, Derek!" Derek sat with the cup of water in his hands, he didn't work today, but Addison did. "AhhhHH!" Addison emerged triumphant, banishing one stiletto. Gracefully slipping the other one on, she slid out the doorway. "Honey?" Addison called after Derek's retreating form. "Yes?" "Can I take the Porsche?" Derek waved her off impatiently, in her dreams! Addison laughed, trotting down the steps into the cold air.

Derek strolled out unto the balcony feeling the wind push back his hair; Derek frustratedly running a hand through his perfect waves, leaning over the banister. Is this how Addison felt? Derek shook his head; to think was better than to act. Hell, she doesn't even like me! Derek felt himself entertaining the possibility of touching her gently, feeling her creamy supple skin molded against his hands. Derek angrily paced the balcony, ignoring the winter air's warning. He was married to a woman out of obligation, he didn't love her, they never had sex- hell, and they never even maintained a civil conversation together! They were caught up in this lie called the American dream, and they hurt their teeth smiling from the absurdity of the entire concept. Derek turned, glancing up at the towering roof of his house. He hadn't taken one step into that room since- Derek gulped. Since the betrayal of Addison: with his former best friend, Mark. Something's Derek learned, never change…

Meredith watched him pacing out on the balcony, his black hair ruffled by the wind, unusual dark circles framing those intriguing, haunted eyes. She recognized them; she saw the same thing on herself in the mirror every day. Meredith wrapped the wool sweater closely around her body, and slid the door open. Derek either ignored the sound, or was pretending she wasn't there. Meredith daintily clasped her hand in his large one. Derek looked up, searching her eyes. "I'm sorry about last night; I shouldn't have said that about you. I don't know you; you'd probably surprise me with how unspoiled you are. It's just that I'm unused to someone like you. You're entire presence unnerves me. You scare me, you're intense. You're the most spectacular and terrifying man I've ever laid my eyes on". "Meredith"- "No! Don't deny it, because you are. I'm not myself when I'm around you. I say things I shouldn't, and I do things I don't understand! I vowed to never trust another man as long as I live, and here I am"- "Meredith"- "Loving you. I know it sounds completely crazy, I just met you. But- you encapture everything I want to be, everything I desire. I love you, Derek". "Meredith, I'm married. I'm not that guy who cheats on his wife"…


	7. That day

Meredith took a step back, Derek's eyes flashing. "I'm not that half-ass man who sleeps with someone else just because I've never done it before! I'm not that guy, Meredith. I'm married, and I'm your boss. Go do your job before I decide you're not worth what I'm paying you!" Meredith slammed the door, feeling the sting of the cold mingling with tears. Derek turned, and leaned over the banister. _Damn regret… _Derek watched the snow swirling beneath the balcony, and his mind took him back to that day- that night…

_The sun shone through the window, Derek sleepily waking up to see Addison dressing for work. "Get up honey", Addison called. Derek punched the alarm and groaned. "I'm on call tonight, so I'll see you tomorrow". Addison watched him walk down the hall, feeling the same empty feeling that had been following her recently. Every night Derek was on call, putting in unnecessary hours at the hospital. When Addison had married him, Derek had been charming. They always made time for each other, even during the hectic studying for medical school. Addison would come and surprise him, sliding her long legs across his lap and kissing him till she effectively distracted him from studying. They'd lie in bed together; the only sound their closely beating hearts. For Addison it was heaven, but for Derek it wasn't enough. Derek and Addison graduated with special recognition from their old teacher Richard Webber. That same day, the Chief offered them a position with the New York hospital. Addison delighted in her new job, finding out that while hers was more flexible, being a resident in the neurology department demanded hours. She'd sit down on the bench outside the hospital waiting for Derek to finally emerge. Derek would come out breathless and excited, telling Addison to go home, he'd see her tomorrow. It was always tomorrow, or the next day. Eventually, Derek spent the majority of his nights and days un call and inattentive to Addison's desires. Derek was having regrets with marriage, maybe it hadn't been practical of him. Derek never believed in divorce and he always criticized those weak ass men who merely fell out of love. But for Derek, other things were falling. His career was falling into place, the money providing every thing he ever desired. He balanced his needs below the hospital's and the Chief took notice. Derek won the promotion for head of neurology the day he had told Addison he wouldn't be home. Excited, Derek rushed home to tell her. Taking a step into the house, something felt wrong. Addison wasn't rushing down to tell him how much she missed him. Derek picked up the jacket on the table, it wasn't his. He would recognize that jacket anywhere though; it belonged to his best friend, Mark. Derek felt the world cease, his mind blurring. Images flickered before his eyes of what he soon would see. He forced himself to retain his balance, gripping unto the banister for support. He could hear her moans from the hallway, Derek forcing himself to continue. This isn't happening, this isn't happening… "Addison." Addison looked up from kissing Mark's stomach. Mark turned over, facing Addison with Derek. "I can't believe you." "GET OUT NOW!" Derek shoved Mark down the stairs, Addison was crying now, the tears mingling with her mascara. Derek grabbed the sheets and threw Addison's clothes in the pile. "Derek! Derek! I can explain, Derek what are you doing with my clothes?!?" Derek clenched his jaw, and threw the clothes out into the street. "Derek you're never home"- "Get out of my house, now". "Mark was here, and"- Addison sat down on the bottom step, wearing Derek's old shirt. "You fuck my best friend and all you can say he was just HERE?!?" "No- No Derek we don't quit, we can get through this!" "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!" Derek grabbed Addison's arm and flung her outside. Addison pounded on the glass door, Derek pressing his entire frame against the door to keep her out. Derek looked up at the ceiling, of the house in which Addison had committed the ultimate betrayal. She had slept openly with his best friend, Mark. Right in this house, right here! Derek felt the sudden urge to throw her down the steps, and cease the banging on the door- she was crying. Derek fought the urge, and it passed, an overwhelming wave of nausea sweeping over him. Derek opened the door, Addison pushing her way in, her hands bruised from banging on the door. Her face and hair was drenched from the rain pouring down. There goes my life… "We can get through this, Derek." Derek firmly shook his head, she was playing the victim. He had remained faithful all this time while she was fucking Mark, what a waste of five years… "I look at you and I feel sick. I can't look at you." Addison collapsed, crying. Derek slammed the door, walking into the rain…_


	8. Christmas Surprises

Derek lay awake looking up at the ceiling, Addison turned away from him. Derek glanced at the clock: 12:00. Today was Christmas, and Derek felt miserable. His pride had kept him from running after Meredith, telling her he never meant it. Instead, he lay in bed watching the shadows dancing cruelly across the room. Addison had insisted on inviting her friends, and a very close friend. Derek had pressed her for details, but she'd merely winked. Frustrated and depressed, Derek let the subject drop. Right now the only thing he longed for was someone he couldn't have.

_She told me she loved me. _

Derek smirked, she didn't love him. She loved the idea of Derek Shepherd; fast cars, riches and success. Girls like her threw themselves at his feet every day; girls like her were shallow and unfocused- leaning on someone else's success.

_Meredith is different, she isn't like that._

Who was he kidding? Meredith Grey was a lowly maid, a lackey for his annoying wife. He knew nothing about her life, or what she believed in. What had happened to him? Fantasizing about some girl he didn't even know until a week ago. Derek stopped fighting for the sleep he wouldn't get. He got up, walking out to the balcony. The snow had fallen, a light dust covering New York. Derek and Addison used to love Christmas, all the hope and joy. Now their lives were devoid of everything Christmas was supposed to capture. Derek merely saw Christmas as another distraction from his career, which was all he had left. Derek pressed his forehead against the glass, angry. He didn't want visitors or forced conversation and plastered smiles. Derek mind drifted back to the Christmas before- before Mark…

"_Derek!" Addison threw a giant chunk of snow at Derek, hitting him in the back. Derek stopped and turned, Addison laughing. Derek picked her up, immune to her protests and deposited her into the snow. Addison laughed, Derek joining her as she playfully punched him, shivering from the cold. Derek stopped laughing, looking into her beautiful eyes. Addison leaned forward gently cupping Derek's face in her hands. Derek kissed her, their lips frozen. Derek knocked her down into the snow; Addison feeling the cold mingling with the sudden warmth. "Derek". Derek smiled, watching her pleading for him in the snow. "Addison- lets go inside". Addison looked into his deep blue eyes clouded over by lust. "I need you", Addison whispered as Derek scooped her up into his strong arms. Derek kicked open the door, depositing Addison near the fireplace unto the sofa. Addison removed her coat, feeling the fire's warmth coursing up and down her body. Addison stripped down to her bra and panties, leaning suggestively against the pillows. Derek emerged, Addison leaving him breathless with her display. "Addison". Addison took his coat, throwing it aside. Addison kissed him on his neck, sucking and gently biting. Derek surrendered as she unloosened his tie, and unbuttoned his shirt. Addison ran her hands down the muscled planes of his chest, Derek grasping her breasts in his hands. Addison let out little moans as Derek unclasped her bra, her red rosy nipples puckered for him. Derek dipped his head down and kissed the tips; Addison feeling the warmth spreading between her legs. "Derek", Addison moaned, unzipping his pants. Derek moaned as Addison stroked the length of him, kneeling down to take him into her mouth. Derek moved his fingers into her hair as Addison sucked him harder, flicking the tip with her tongue. "Addi!" Addison gave him one last suck before letting him go, frustration written all over Derek's perfect features. Addison guided his hand down to her core, Derek shoving her panties down, inserting a finger. "Addi you're soaking." Addison smiled and moaned as Derek pushed her pleasure button. "All for you, Derek". Derek lay her back unto the couch before pushing into her. Addison contracted her walls around him, Derek feeling her warmth and tightness. "Addi you're so tight and wet". Addison thrashed, feeling her clit frantically, she was on the edge. Derek did that to her, put her on the edge and pushed her off. Derek pumped his length into her harder, hearing Addison's loud moans. Addison screamed as she came, lying limp. Derek pumped once more before cuming himself. Together they lay together before the flickering flames, a half-smile forming on Addison's face. "Merry Christmas, Derek"…_

Derek turned away from the window, glancing over at Addison. A year seemed so far, that memory so distant from where they were now. Could they ever recapture that joy? Sadly Derek shook his head, they both knew the answer- yet here they were. Derek got back into the bed, forcing his eyes shut.

"They're here!" Addison squealed, as she watched her friends pull up to the Montgomery- Shepherd mansion. Derek forced a smile, as Addison flung open the door excitedly. Addison had gone all out, dressing up, hiring a catering service, decorating service. Derek shook his head, he hoped he still had that Advil- he'd need it today. Addison's friends from L.A. hugged her and squealed, equally excited. Derek racked his head for their names, but found himself clueless. The woman whispered something in Addison's ear, causing the two of them to giggle uncontrollably. Derek gritted his teeth and flashed a dazzling white smile. "Hi Derek, I'm Naomi." Naomi hugged him, kissing him on the cheek. Derek awkwardly patted her back, he was used to women's reactions like this, but her husband was standing right there! "Oh Addison, you lucked out!" She teased, linking arms with her friend. Derek shook the other man's hand, completely annoyed. The guy laughed, and headed to find his wife. Derek stood, completely alone. He was merely an object to be looked at and admired. The only friend who had ever understood him betrayed his trust. Derek shook his head as he numbly greeted Addison's friends, directing them into the house. Cars lined up in the massive driveway, Derek smiled sadly, how far he'd come indeed.

Derek walked into the living room, Addison telling her friends some 'hilarious' story. Her friends surrounded her and laughed, Addison joining in with them. Derek merely watched a guest in his own home. Derek hadn't heard her laugh in so long, the sound was foreign. Silently, he crept away, leaving her to her audience. Derek walked down the narrow flight of stairs that led to the bar. Meredith was organizing the bottles by year, Derek fighting a smile as she dusted them off. Derek cleared his throat, announcing his presence. Meredith looked over her shoulder and frowned. "Aren't you supposed to be mingling with your guests instead of drinking alone?" "My wife's friends." Meredith snorted, bemused with this spoiled man. "Awww, are we sulking?" Derek turned away, fighting a smiled- she was right. "I could fire you for that", Derek pointed out. Meredith grinned, he was full of it. "Then go ahead- you don't scare me". Derek grinned, as Meredith planted her little hands on her hips defiantly. "I used to love Christmas, and now"- "You hate it." Derek nodded. "I understand, I'm not much into the holidays either." Meredith looked away, Derek watching the hurt forming in her eyes. "I never meant what I said yesterday", Meredith admitted. "Neither did I." Meredith shook her head, his words were empty. "You may not believe me, but I never intended to say that. I'm sorry". Meredith spun around, the words echoing throughout her head. "You're sorry?" Derek nodded. "What I said was inappropriate; I'm usually not that guy". "Who are you, Derek?" Derek paced slowly. "I really don't know." Meredith leaned into him, Derek resting his hands on her shoulders tentatively. Meredith opened her mouth, longing for the taste of him on her lips, in her mouth. Derek pulled back abruptly as the doorbell sounded. Derek ran up the steps, pictures of Meredith's pursed lips flashing throughout his mind. Derek opened the door, revealing Addison's secret guest…

**A/n: Oh no! Derek is feeling some strong feelings for Meredith now- sorry he is such an ass, but he hides his pain. Thanks for all the reads and reviews! Keep it up! ;)**


	9. Visitor becomes the Victim

_He got the call on December 21__st__, the voice on the other end hesitant. He couldn't help smiling at her regretful tone, the sadness unmistakable. A pang of intense regret hit him listening to that familiar voice, he couldn't refuse. She wanted him there to help, to try to resurrect the shell of the man she lived with. At first, he didn't accept- he was the last person who would be welcomed back with open arms. Still, Christmas was supposedly for families, and they were the only family he ever had. His relationship had extended further with them then anyone else, they had seen through his defenses. For years women had been his guilty release, he enjoyed it completely. Meeting her was refreshingly different however, the reminder of how different unmistakable on her left hand. It was the ring that did him in; for once he found himself apologetic after, and wishing he could reverse the damage done to his friends. She refused to believe it, but the changes had damaged her relationship today. He shook his head as he watched her number appear on the caller id. She was persuasive, and he was helpless when he heard her voice sounding across the speakers. So, he accepted the invitation, begging her to tell him. She had remained vague, sometimes agreeing, sometimes disagreeing- she was afraid he'd say no. He hung up the phone, calling the hospital to notify them of his vacation and venture. He had never felt as nervous as now, starting up the engine on his Gallardo Lamborghini. He gunned the car, watching the familiar sites disappear from his vision. He sighed as he entered New York, wishing he could get through to him. He still loved him, even though he only felt anger towards him. The mansion was as beautiful as he remembered, decorated by professionals. They didn't have time anymore for that, or for anyone else. They had their careers, and that's what mattered. He used to be like that, entirely focused on dominating his particular field- he had achieved it easily. Now, standing right here before the door, he wished he'd never come. He pushed the doorbell, the rich melancholy sound filling the outside and inside. Now, the wait was a matter of minutes, seconds. That's when he opened the door…_

"Mark", Derek spat. Mark eyed Derek up and down, he looked tired, and stressed. "Derek"- "Addison did this, DIDN'T SHE?!?" Derek roared, blocking Mark from coming into the house. "Derek its cold out here", Mark suggested. "Why don't we go inside?" Mark backed away, he knew that look on Derek's face. Pure unadulterated hate…

Derek bit his lip from yelling at Mark right then and there. Derek stuck his hands into his suit coat pockets waiting for an explanation. "Addison called me out here, she"- "Don't talk to me about Addison", Derek snapped. Mark nodded, feeling the tension of his former best friend. "I miss you, Derek. I'm the top in Plastics, and I'm wicked lonely. I miss you, man." Derek turned away, refusing to meet Mark's expecting eyes. "If you think I'm going to forgive you"- Mark held up his hand. "I know you Derek, you don't forgive anyone. Not Addison, not me. Yet- I still love you". Derek's eyes widened as a smirk grew on Mark's face. "No, no, no not in THAT way, but as a very close friend". "Former", Derek corrected. The moment of hilarity had ended, and Mark stood out in the snow waiting for Derek's next move…

Meredith fought the urge to see why Derek was yelling, but she lost. Curiously, she peered out the windows. An equally tall handsome man was arguing with Derek, Derek clenching his jaw angrily. Meredith looked around, this was too interesting! Addison was still laughing it up with her friends, and Meredith had served enough drinks to get them thoroughly sloshed- they wouldn't be coming for her anytime soon. Meredith watched as the other man pleaded, even begging almost. Meredith pressed her ear against the glass, but heard nothing but muffled yelling. Meredith watched Derek look back at the house, tactfully ducking behind the curtains. Why wasn't he inviting him inside?

Addison called for that Grey girl for more wine, but she wasn't coming fast enough. "GREY!" Addison bellowed from the hallway, drunkenly supporting herself on the counter. Meredith cursed silently as she saw Derek gesturing wildly. "Coming Mrs. Shepherd", Meredith dutifully called. Dragging the liquor cart behind her, Meredith approached the sloshed Addison and her equally drunk friends. To them, everything was funny. Meredith knew the power of liquor; she had retreated into the world of no pain quite often. Somehow the burning in her throat always distracted her from her painful reality. Meredith poured them thirds (or was it fifths?) in huge crystal goblets. "And then they said"- Meredith didn't wait for Addison to finish; she was too busy hurrying to get back to watching Derek and this other man. Meredith couldn't see them anymore, and opened the door slightly. There they were, still in their heated discussion. Meredith caught the words 'adultery', 'crackwhore', and 'manwhore'. "Derek?" Addison called from the hallway, still giggling. Meredith silently cursed, and hid behind the bushes. Damn, it was freezing!

"And then you walked away"- "You slept with my wife! You couldn't even get your own!" "Derek- that's not fair"- "Oh yes, it is!" Meredith's eyes widened as Derek got very close to Mark. Derek removed his hands from his suit pockets, punching the other man out. The man lay in a crumpled heap at the foot of the steps, Meredith letting out a gasp. Derek spun around to see Addison in the doorway, and Meredith behind the bushes. Addison shook her head angrily at Derek's childish behavior and hurried to help up Mark. Mark sat up, facing Addison. "What were you thinking Derek?!?" Addison demanded, helping Mark to his feet. "I never asked him to come out here, Addison". Derek looked at Meredith frantically, signaling her to get back inside. Meredith shook her head. Derek looked up at Addison, frustration evident on his face.

"We're his friends, Derek. You can't just leave your friends at Christmas, he has no one!" "He's got a girl I'm sure. Who is it this time Mark?" "Stop it Derek! I invited him because I've noticed lately you're depressed, and Mark can help". "What? Is Mark going to try to sleep with me now?" Addison glared, Mark laughed. "This is not funny, Mark." Mark cleared his throat, noticing the cute little girl behind the bushes. "Derek there's a"- "Shut the hell up!" Meredith opened the door and crept back inside, narrowly avoiding detection.

"I want him here!" "I don't." "He's your best friend!" "Not anymore." Addison threw up her hands impatiently. "Come on, Mark. Come inside, you'll freeze out here." Addison pulled Mark inside, Derek protesting. Addison slammed the door on Derek, leaving him out in the snow. "ADDISON!" Addison opened the door and glared at Derek. "I swear Derek, if you don't behave I'll"- "You'll what?!? It's MY house, remember?" "Our house", Addison corrected. "Whatever." Derek trudged in, resolute in his decision to not forgive or forget what Mark did. Derek watched sadly as Addison slung her arm around Mark, talking excitedly about his career and the drive. If it was humanly possible, Derek's hatred of Christmas grew. Here he was watching Mark make his wife happier than he ever could. Derek felt nauseated; here mark was being treated as the victim when all along he had been the perpetrator. "Merry fucking Christmas", Derek whispered to himself.

**A/n: Oh no! Mark's back and he's here to stay… You know how to make me happy, read and review, read and review! Thanks for all the alerts, favs, and subscriptions- you make my day! ******


	10. Darkness

Addison smiled thinly as she positioned Derek right across from Mark. Noticing the tension between the two made her feel very content and valued. They were fighting over her, and Addison always enjoyed a power play between her favorite men. Derek's jaw was clenched, and his grip on the steak knife was more than firm. Mark's watchful taunting eyes never left Derek's blue ones, a sight smirk forming on his face. Derek felt like a naughty spoiled child being punished for misbehaving, this was his house, his party! Mark moved his hand closer to Addison's, Addison's eyes never leaving Derek's. Naomi and Sam were too drunk to notice; instead they made inappropriate threesome jokes and urged Derek and Mark to go catch up. Derek and Mark smiled thinly and resumed their quiet game. Meredith wheeled in the steak, noticing the two men. She finished her task and wheeled the cart away. Instead of retiring to the kitchen, she chose to stay crouched behind the couch.

"So Derek- how's life at the hospital?" Derek thinly smiled never giving up his hold on the steak knife. "How are the face lifts, Mark?" Addison rolled her eyes, this wasn't why she had invited Mark out! "I'm sure everything is going great for Derek, Mark. It isn't that interesting anyway. How are you?" Derek recoiled in shock, when did plastics become more important than neuro in Addison's eyes?

"Actually my work is FASCINATING, unlike face lifts and liposuction". Addison hit Derek warningly. "What"- "Mark please go on", Addison urged. "Well I had this one patient I had to actually peel the face off of, it was quite a delicate operation". Addison grabbed his arm, "That's amazing!" "It turned out after I was done with her, that she was quite hot". Derek tensed, Mark hadn't changed a bit. "Unbelievable". Mark ignored Derek's sarcasm and continued. "I slept with her after, it was good". Sam and Naomi laughed, Addison looking away in shock. "Mark you are truly an ass". "But a lovable ass", Addison giggled. Mark winked at Derek, baiting him. Derek had heard, seen, and felt enough. Losing all rationality that came with his position and career, Derek lunged across the table. Addison shrieked as Derek pummeled Mark on the floor, Sam and Naomi still laughing.

"You son of a bitch! Crackwhore! Manwhore!" Derek struggled with Mark, his hands reaching for his throat.

_I knew my medical training would one day be needed… I know exactly what artery to press to repay Mark for all the pain he's caused me…_

Derek fought Mark as Addison tried in vain to pull him off. Addison screamed for Sam as Derek swung the wine bottle at Mark. Between Sam and Addison with help from Mark, they pulled Derek off him. Mark grimaced as he felt the black eye already bruising. "What the hell, Derek." Derek still furious, fought the urge to jump him again. Derek shook Sam and Addison off him and strode off. Mark got up and looked at Addison, shaking his head. "What happened to him?" Addison bit her lip, looking at the scene Derek had caused. "You, Mark. You happened to him". Mark looked in the direction Derek had left, but he was gone.

Derek was hiding, from the consequences of his actions. He had taken it too far, he had lost control. Derek heard the festivities returning, Addison's bubbly laughter echoing off the walls. Derek reached for the bottle, taking a swig. For now he was content to be alone and drink. The party was Addison's anyway, the friends all hers.

_I don't have any friends- unless I count the Chief. _

The thought didn't have much comfort as Derek grimaced looking at the label. This was hard stuff, really hard stuff. "I saw it all". Derek looked up to see Meredith walking down the steps. "I don't usually do that, I'm usually very calm. In my profession it's a requirement, but Mark"- "He hurt you." Derek nodded. Meredith sat next to him, Derek pouring her a drink. "I really shouldn't", Meredith protested. "Its okay". Meredith nodded, sipping. "I didn't know he was coming out here. If I never saw Mark again it would be too soon. I hate him, and here he is! And Addison? I have no idea what she was thinking! A tearful reunion? Never happening." Meredith nodded, her arm gently draped on Derek's.

"When someone hurts us the pain is unimaginable, you think you'll heal, but it continues. It continues until something breaks, and the wounds never heal. The scars fade, but the wounds never heal." Derek nodded. "How do you know?" "I know hurt Derek, I've experienced it myself. I've watched it, I've felt it. Hurt has been my constant companion all my life. Time doesn't mean anything to wounds". Derek met her eyes, her lips moist and slightly parted. "The world isn't all darkness Mer, there is some light". Derek reached over, her lips matching his, Meredith moving her hands to gently rest on his face. "Derek". "There is always light Meredith, even in the darkness". Meredith felt the memories of Thatcher and her mother exploding in her. "I love you, too". Meredith weakly smiled up at him, and then, and there, they fell in love.

Please read and review if you want faster updates! I love all my readers! 


	11. New Years Eve Discoveries

**A/n: some sex in this one, if that bothers you- click the back button. If not, read on! Please read and review, I really appreciate it! **

New Years Eve, how could he ever forget? It was the night he watched Addison join Mark- holding hands. Derek watched Addison laugh, clutching Mark's hand tightly, squealing at the fireworks. Sam and Naomi had left back to LA, leaving Derek with Addison and Mark. Watching them now- Derek swallowed; he didn't love Addison at all. It was too late to apologize for the damage done, too late to heal old wounds.

_They deserve each other, they're a lot alike. They're both uncommitted whores who sleep around, spreading ill feelings and diseases! They can both go cheat on each other and-_

Derek looked up at the sky, the bright reds and gold's exploding into the clear air. Derek shut out the sight of Addison whispering into Mark's ear, clutching his arm firmly, giggling when he kissed her. On New Years Eve Derek Shepherd spent the night alone, the only company a stiff drink.

_This isn't me! This is not the man I am, or ever wanted to be. I'm someone I don't even recognize. _

Derek let his mind cloud over the present and redirected him into the hazy past he longed to forget…

"_She's hot". Derek looked up from the medical textbooks piled high on top of his desk. His best friend Mark was choosing to study another species. "Wahoo! Did you see those legs Derek? Hot, hot, hot!" Derek fought the urge to look up, studying with Mark made him feel like a uncommitted frat boy cruising through medical school. "Mark! We're here to study- remember?" Derek waved the anatomy and physiology book in front of his face. "They're here, Derek! Hot women all over the world are here studying, and you expect me to read some book than look up that girl's skirt?" Derek ran his hands through his hair exhaustedly, he would admit that some looked quite, uh, attractive. "Mark do you want to fail? All those college loans piling up just because you couldn't tear your eyes away from some girls ass?" Mark laughed to Derek's increasing annoyance. "We're at Yale, man. I got a stellar college and medical school record. My grades are through the roof. Besides, have fun now! When we're surgeons we'll be tired, stressed- not we'll, you!" Mark laughed slapping his hand down on the table. Derek looked up at Mark, already picking out his next conquest. "It's New Years Eve, Derek. Get laid." Derek watched Mark slide over to the redhead seated across the room. Mark lightly brushed her arm, introducing himself. Derek forced his focus back on his studying. "Derek!" Derek looked up at Mark, already leading the girl over. Derek conceded, she was stunning. Long lean legs, dark red hair cascading down to her shoulders. "Derek, this is Addison, Addison, Derek". "Nice to meet you, Derek", Addison purred…_

Derek smiled briefly, if only he had never met her. Life would be different. "Derek?" Derek looked up to see Meredith strolling up to him. "I'm surprised you're not outside, that's where the party is." Derek opened his mouth, and shut it in surprise as she entered the light. Meredith's hair was up, she had slipped into a sexy black dress and red high heels. "Wow." Meredith self consciously smoothed her hair nervously. "Is it too much? I bought it today after work." Derek smiled, noticing the swell of her breasts beneath the fabric, the curve of her hips accentuated from the clingy material. "You look beautiful". Meredith smiled slightly, fiddling with the bow. "I'll get that". Derek reached behind her, Meredith feeling the outline of his strong frame behind her. She smiled contentedly as Derek's fingers 'accidentally' brushed up against her ass. He tied the bow, kissing her neck. Meredith shivered from the welcome warmth of his breath mingling with the spicy scent of his cologne. This man was perfect, everything about him sent sparks shooting up her body, his touch felt forbidden.

"So, uh, what do you like about the dress?" Derek smiled, if she wanted to play, he was more than game. "Well, there are a couple things." Meredith welcomed the dim lights hiding her blush. "Like what?" Derek moved his hands to her shoulders and slid them down to her swelling breasts. "I like the neckline; it shows off these quite nicely". Meredith whimpered in pleasure as Derek cupped her breasts, squeezing. "I like that very much", Derek whispered into her ear. Meredith fought the urge to rip his clothes off, the teasing was unbearable.

"What else do you like?" Meredith blurted out, her brain fogging with intense desire for Derek's hands on her body. "I like how it clings, showing off you flat stomach", Derek whispered into her ear. Derek ran his hand over her flat stomach, and brushed a finger dangerously near her folds. Meredith felt herself slick with desire, his hand warm and large over her petite body. "I love the shape of your ass, and how you walk". Meredith felt his hands cupping her ass, squeezing the round globes through the black fabric.

"So it's not really the dress then, it's me". Meredith regretted the words as soon as she uttered them. Would Derek think her desperate? Constantly seeking his approval? "Yes honey, it's always you". Meredith arched her frame against his, fingering his suit jacket, moving her hands below his belt. "Meredith", Derek warned. Meredith smiled, her perfect plump lips pouting for Derek's approval. Derek gently guided her head down as she bent down on her knees. Derek looked down at her, the picture of perfection. The long caramel hair streaming past her shoulders, her wild sex crazed eyes, her bent knees on the floor, her pronounced cleavage peeking out of her dress. Meredith unzipped the zipper, watching Derek's large cock spring free from its containment. Meredith gently stroked the tip, Derek's fingers intertwined in her hair. Derek pushed her head closer, begging her.

Meredith opened her mouth and took him in, his long length engulfed in her pretty mouth. Her lips were slick from his arousal, her faced flushed. Derek moaned, twisted her hair in his hands. He couldn't remember the last time he had experienced such pleasure. "Oh Meredith". Meredith flicked the head with her tongue, sending Derek over the edge. Derek looked down to see her on her hands and knees, his cock firmly nestled in her warm mouth. He could only wonder what it would feel like in her cunt. Derek moaned as she gave him one last suck, sending him into orgasmic bliss. Meredith smiled up at him, licking the last drop of his arousal from his cock.

Derek heard the door open, the clicking of heels against the hardwood floors. "Derek?" Addison appeared in the doorway, her hand on her hip. "What the"- Meredith looked up at Derek, guilt forming on his face…


End file.
